Stories from the local strip club!!!
Yes folks. The Strip club.
I actually find immense pleasure in going to the Rips, if only because it is the one place I can go for a drink with my friends, and generally, no one bothers you. It also tends to be fairly entertaining, particularly when we all just sit and judge the strippers. (One of our friends used to actually bring home-made score cards with her, until she and her friends were kicked out for giving one of the entertainers a low score...)
Now, the local joint here is not classy by any means, and it actually is probably one of the LEAST classy strip clubs you could visit. In fact, I know of a time when someone (aka, me) actually passed out on a random stranger while in this establishment, and no one said a word about it. I was allowed to stay, in a comatose state, until I suddenly came to, and announced that I had to leave.
But I digress, and will move on with the awkwardness of last night. Now, anyone that knows me, will know and understand that I probably get myself into more awkward situations than most. I simple attract the weird and odd types.
So last night, we're watching the feature, Miss Nude Canada, I might add, and right at the start of the show, she is winking and blowing me kisses. I firmly believe that there are strippers out there that can SMELL uncomfortableness, and yes, there I was. Our friend Dickie even made a comment about how she clearly wanted me to get up on stage. Since that would be inviting even more attention that I no longer want or need, I decided to remain firmly in my seat. Now don't get me wrong, she was really entertaining! We were clearly understanding how she earned her title. As a former dancer, I could definitely appreciate her dance moves and also, I can always appreciate someone who can work the pole! Then she pulled out the neon body paint, and made a picture on a t-shirt from drawing on her body, which was actually really funny. So, bonus points for personality.
Then, the neon blue body paint was squirted at the top of her ass, which she then wiggled until it all sliddddd down and she rubbed that all over her ass cheeks. Not really as interesting to me....
So she got off, and the next girl came on, and I had to pee. I really hate using the bathrooms there, just because they're really pretty gross, and on most occasions, the doors don't really work, but when nature calls, sometimes you just can't ignore it! So I take off and run in...and boom, naked stripper washing blue body paint off of her ass in the sink.
I don't even think she noticed me because I ran past her and went into the last stall, where at the point, I am sitting there trying to pee, while my nervous bladder thwarts all attempts (seriously...I don't do ANY public bathroom very well, much less one with a naked stripper in it). So, dilemma. I figure, I'm going to leave and come back later...but I still have to wash my hands. So I go out and do an unfortunate linger behind said stripper, who is still wiping blue off of her ass, until she kind of looks up and I finally say, "I'm really sorry, but can I just sneak in and wash my hands?" and she is completely sweet and apologizes back and lets me get in and wash my hands in the sink that is still housing blue water. And I at this point, feel that I need to try to make things less (or maybe more, depending on your perspective) awkward by engaging in small talk; primarily, why is this poor woman cleaning herself in a public women's restroom. Apparently, here and Winnipeg don't offer showers or separate bathrooms for the entertainment. I was horrified. HORRIFIED. These are not discreet bathrooms in the least; usually the main door is wide open (not that the people haven't seen the girls' bodies already, but geez, they still need some privacy!) So I finish up and book out of there and run back to tell my friends of this experience, where, as expected, they thought it was pretty darn funny.
But I got my turn to laugh when Kailyn went in there and didn't find any strippers, oh no, just a man taking a shit in one of the stalls.
Good night all around...
